Honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month: Making Space for Grief
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, and October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Each year on that evening, families around the world take part in the International Wave of Light by lighting a candle at 7:00 p.m. in their local time zone, creating a continuous glow across the globe in memory of babies gone too soon.
If you have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, or the loss of a pregnancy through infertility treatment, this month can bring up a mix of emotions. We want you to know your grief is real, and you don't have to carry it alone.
A common loss that often goes unspoken
According to the Mayo Clinic, about 10% to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and the true number is likely higher because many losses happen before a pregnancy is recognized. Despite how common it is, pregnancy loss is often grieved in silence. Many people never shared the news of their pregnancy, so friends and coworkers may not know what happened. Others hear well-meaning comments like "at least it was early" or "you can try again" that unintentionally minimize their pain.
Grief after pregnancy loss can look many ways
There is no right way to grieve. You may experience:
Deep sadness, emptiness, or yearning
Guilt or self-blame, even when nothing could have been done differently
Anger, jealousy, or pain around pregnancy announcements and baby showers
Anxiety about future pregnancies
Strain or disconnection in your relationship
Partners often grieve differently. One person may want to talk about the loss often while the other copes by staying busy. These differences are normal, but they can leave both partners feeling alone. Naming them and making room for each other's way of grieving can help you stay connected.
Ways to honor your loss this October
Light a candle at 7:00 p.m. on October 15 as part of the Wave of Light.
Create a keepsake. A piece of jewelry, a journal, a planted tree, or an ornament can offer a lasting way to remember.
Say their name, if you chose one, and share it with people who will hold it gently.
Connect with others who understand, through a support group or community remembrance event.
Give yourself permission to skip events or conversations that feel too painful right now.
How to support someone who is grieving
If someone you love has experienced a loss, you don't need perfect words. Simple, sincere statements like "I'm so sorry," "I'm thinking of you and your baby," or "I'm here whenever you want to talk" go a long way. Remember important dates, and keep checking in after the first few weeks, when support often fades.
When to reach out for professional support
Grief doesn't follow a timeline, but it may help to talk with a therapist if your grief feels overwhelming, if you are struggling to function day to day, if anxiety or depression is building, or if the loss is affecting your relationship. Therapy offers a dedicated space to process what happened, ease guilt, reconnect with your partner, and prepare emotionally for whatever comes next, including future pregnancies.
Support in Wichita, KS
Reproductive mental health is a core focus at Elara Therapy. We support individuals and couples in Wichita through miscarriage, infant loss, infertility, IVF, and pregnancy after loss, both in person and through telehealth. Learn more about our infertility and pregnancy loss therapy, explore local support groups on our resources page, or reach out to schedule a consultation.
If you are in crisis, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call COMCARE's 24-Hour Crisis Center at 316-660-7500.
This post is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment.
